Well, I havent written in here for a while. So what the hell, why not?! I haven't been doing much of anything. Still haven't started school yet. I've been out for almost a month now. I know that once I start going again, it will suck. I definitely haven't gotten up any earlier than like 9 except for like three days in the last month. I really want to go back but I dont know. It's gonna be another big change. But so if a lot of other stuff. It is gonna be so weird for me knowing that I won't be able to come home whenever I want to. And my mom won't be able to help me with my homework and everything. It's going to be weird. I will have Anne, Ashley, Nicole, Keith and I dont know who else. But it just won't be the same. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens.

I haven't talked to Ryan since Saturday. I have been calling him like everyday. But he hasn't called back, and if he did call when I didn't have service then he didn't leave me messages. And he usually leaves me messages, so I don't think that he called. I don't know.

But I gotta find some stuff for Ashleigh. So I guess I'll write again later.

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

There is so much going on right now. I dont even know what to think about shit anymore. I have been trying to get through all of this, and be reasonable about it, but I'm really starting to get aggravated. I'm in Orange right now. I'm hoping to go to Mahar, on Friday, as a visitor. My mom is supposed to call there tomorrow. But yeah, so Anne, and Ashley picked me up at my house around 2. We got to the house around 3. We went to like Family Dollar before leaving Greenfield. But yeah, so we got here about 3, and this fuckin gorgeous boy, comes here. His name is Justin, and if he wasn't 23 I would make him mine!! I have never seen a better looking guy! Anyways, today was my dad birthday, and I knew that my mom had planned on having spaghetti, then doing cake and ice cream, but I wanted to come to Orange, so I was going to skip the little party thing. But then I was really feelin bad, so me, Ashley, and Eliana decided to go down to my house for a bit. I walk into my house with Eliana, in my arms, to hear my sister Kelly, who I honestly hate, say the drop outs here! And that did it for me!! As if I haven't already been feeling like shit, and that just made it worse. I walked out in the kitchen, and just started crying. I don't feel that it is any of her business whether or not I drop out. But the part that really pisses me off, is that I haven't even dropped out. I said that I don't want to go to the school that I have been going to, I am in the process of trying to find another school, but I NEVER said that I wanted to drop out. I had talked to my mom briefly about just getting my GED, then going to a cosmetology school in Northampton, but I really don't want to drop out. I want to finish high school. And I told my mom that!! So, yeah I tried to not even think about her saying that to me, and I went on with the night. We stayed at my house until a little after 7, then we were on our way back to Orange. When we got back here, I talked to my sister Anne about it, and she felt the same way! She said that it is not Kellys place to say anything to me, she is not my mother, or my father, so it really has nothing to do with her! But yeah so I called my mom, and told her how I felt about it, and she just like said that it was fine! And that she didn't care about Kelly saying that shit. And then she just said some shit to me, that made me feel even worse, so I was just like mom why dont you make me feel like shit some more, and then I hung up. In a way I feel bad for hanging up on my mom, but she knows this shit is tough for me! AGH!! Well I guess I'm done writing for now.

~*Trisha*~

Well, I decided that since I didnt go to school today I can write in here. I dont really have too much to say though. I drew up the tattoo Im gonna get. Well just the rose part. I didnt figure out what I want to do for the rest of it yet.I drew up the rose two different ways. One of them was red, and pink, and the other was purple and blue. I actually like the purple, and blue one, but the red and pink one looks more realistic, and everybody else likes it more. So the pink and red one will most likely be the one I get. Now I just need to figure what else I want. I have no idea what to even get. I was thinking about something for my grandfather that passed away but I want a whole different tattoo for that. I dont want his to be in this one. He deserves his own.

So onto something else. Me and Ryan are finally talking again! Everything is straightened out between us. But we can to the conclusion that we just cannot be together! I guess its the best thing for us. I would rather us just be what we decided, than nothing at all. And I was thinking that if he ends up going to jail, it would be so much harder for me if we were together. I mean I dont want him to go but there is always the IF! Last night we talked about what will happen if he ends up going to jail. He was like well you can either keep on loving me, or forget about me!! I am definitely not going to forget about him. I have been by his side through all of this shit so far, why would I turn my back on him know. I am not like that, and he knows that, but I think he said it just to see what kind of reaction he would get out of me. But yeah, he is going to call me, and write to me, and he wants me to write to him, send him pictures, and visit him. And I definitely will do that. I just hope he doesn't have to go to jail. He has the pre-trial on Feb 4th I think, and then the trial is sometime in March, my birthday is in March, so it is going to be VERY hard for me! AGH! I don't want to think about him going to jail anymore.

Me and my mom talked about my school situation. I am really starting to think that I should just go get my GED. It would be so much easier for me. And then I could get a job because I would only have my classes like 2 or 3 nights a week, and they are only a couple hours long. It would work out very good for me. Or I could go take classes at the Greenfield Community College. But I just dont know. i think Im gonna go to my school tomorrow for the meeting that I have scheduled, then Thursday if Nicoles school said it was alright, I am going to go to school with her as a visitor, and see how I like it there. I am not staying where I am now, and thats the end of that. My mom now thinks that I should stay there but Im not. If I go get my GED than Im not gonna have to deal with DRAMA!! So Im thinking that might be the best idea. But I just dont want to make the wrong decision, and have it fuck shit up!

But yeah, my mom just made me some grilled cheese, so Im gonna go eat that. And then I should be back.

~*Trisha*~